At the ripe age of 39, I found myself bound and determined, promising to learn and become an employed web developer by 40. At 40 I picked myself up, dusted myself off, and said by 41 I would become one this time. Then again, at 41, I renewed my own vows and… now I’m 42 and feel as if I’m finally getting it right. So what changed?

Like many others I had come across countless testimonials online about how so-and-so was a fully self-taught developer, making six figures within 6 months of delving into their first code! If they could do it, surely so could I. Right?

I was told that if I followed this Udemy course, I’d learn all I’d need to know! Wait, no, maybe not that one. No, this Udemy course was the one. Mm. On second thought, this playlist on YouTube would do it. Nope. No. Definitely not that one. Maybe if I follow this online code camp and do every tutorial I can scrounge up, it’ll finally click for me!

Or not.

What really ended up happening is that no matter which route I went, I felt like I was flailing in the wind with no real direction. Nothing I was taught ever felt like it actually clicked or made sense. Could I hammer out a simple web page using HTML and basic CSS? Absolutely, but that was about as far as I ever got. Everywhere I looked online I was told, “Just get through HTML and CSS as soon as possible to get to JavaScript!” Except I didn’t want to rush through HTML and CSS. I wanted to learn the how’s and why’s of each step, to develop a solid foundation to build on, and I became very discouraged feeling like I wasn’t actually learning anything of value.

Mix a heaping of uncertainty with discouragement, add a dash of life happening, and it added up to me failing to reach my goal year after year. Every time I reflected on those failures I was ashamed that I couldn’t simply do it. I’m strong and independent, after all. Why couldn’t I?

It took a while for it to sink in but I noticed a pattern. Nearly every person I listened to online that had successfully become a fully self-taught developer managed to do it because they were able to learn like it was their job. They had the time, were young, and often lacked other major responsibilities. I, on the other hand, realized that I was trying to do what they were doing - while also juggling a full time job, family emergencies, health emergencies, a partner, and even a pandemic thrown in for good measure.

My shame started to subside when I realized that the path I was trying to take was simply not realistic for my personal situation. Towards the end of last year I sucked it up and started to look at ways I could do more structured learning. I had settled on finding a solid, well-known bootcamp to go through online while still working full time and was going to sign up after the first of the year.

Only weeks before I would pull the trigger on a bootcamp I randomly went onto Reddit and happened to stumble across a post for Leon Noel’s #100Devs bootcamp. An entirely free, fully structured course offered online with an amazingly helpful community. I was so stoked and hopeful that the next several weeks waiting for it to start were pure torture.

They were worth every second I waited. In fact, it’s been worth the years. I am beyond grateful for finding #100Devs, realizing that all I needed was the structure of a real class. I’m also grateful for forgiving myself for feeling like I had wasted three years of my life with no progress. For the first time since starting this journey towards becoming a web developer, I can confidently say that I have a good grasp on the how’s and why’s of HTML and CSS and I’m especially glad at the emphasis that has been placed on teaching the importance of accessibility (something that had been lacking in every tutorial or video I’d watched prior). I’m genuinely so very excited for my future - and to finally learn JavaScript.

So to sum it up, this is really just a long-winded way of saying that if you’re one of the many who have been feeling lost, drifting from tutorial to tutorial - please do yourself the favor and find a structured, scheduled course with an actual community to lean on and also help support. Try college courses, a reputable bootcamp, or even #100Devs. It really makes all the difference in the world.